All the Single Babies...EXPOSED!!!!

So for the last week or ten years or whatever, the people of America have been obsessed with one thing and one thing only: their own looming mortality.

OH, but also we've been obsessed with the ALL THE SINGLE BABIES video. As you already know, unless you're some kind of fucking dummy, the video revolves around a baby who dances to Beyonce's "Single Ladies". But not in the way a baby usually dances, like "Oh look that baby's kinda moving, maybe it has Parkinson's? Should we return the baby?" No, not like that. This baby has crisp dance moves that are in tune with the beat and look like they were choreographed by the ghost of Debbie Allen herself. Just take a look:

All the Single Babies Dance - Watch more Funny Videos

So yes, it's completely understandable why "All The Single Babies"is the biggest video of all time and a cultural touchstone for a generation. That baby is amazing.

Except for one small detail... that's not a fucking baby, people.

According to a report by Slate dot com and the US Department of Justice, evidence has now surfaced revealing that the "baby" is actually infamous 48-year-old midget con artist Henry Detoqueville.

Detoqueville, seen here in his only known photo taken during the Bloodfest '87: Midgets of Wrestling pay-per-view extravaganza, has topped the FBI's Most Wanted Dwarves for almost 15 years. Regarded as a master of disguise and quite the little chef, Detoqueville has been suspected of thousands of scams over the years. Posing as children, babies, small dogs and even once as a tiny paper doll, he has managed to bilk numerous families out of their life savings and cookie supplies. He has only been caught once, serving 30 days in a  juvenile detention facility despite being 32 at the time because, as Judge Sotamayor put it "Ahh come on, he's just a midget." But now it appears this miniature mastermind has pulled off the scam of the century, posing as a baby in one of the most popular videos of all-time.  The FBI, who fear that the reputation of such sites as Break.com, College Humor, FunnyFuckinShit.com, and HahahaDickFartKablooey.org may now be compromised and are conducting an intense nationwide manhunt to bring this tiny troublemaker to justice. Despite committing no actual crime or profiting from the hoax in any way, if captured it is believed that Detoqueville would face punishment of being beaten to death and shit on during a live episode of the Maury Povich Show.

All the single babies INDEED. And that's my two cents. Keep the change, and buy yourself somethin' nice. Yeah, I said it.